1999
This year's Guizer Jarl was Brian Thomson from Uphouse in sellafirth, the first Sellafirth Jarl since 1973. Brian took on the role of Sigumund Bresterson for the event. Brian Led his troops to Up Helly Aa for the last festival of the millennium.
Brian's Jarl Squad:
- David Henry [Haa 'o' Houlland] (Ex Jarl)
- Robert Thomson [Uphouse] (Future Jarl)
- Trevor Henderson [Kilmoden]
- George Henry [Balaclava]
- George Hamilton
- Laurence Tulloch [Gutcher]
1999 Proclamation:
OUR JARL DECREES THAT ANY GUIZER GETTING SMASHED OR CRASHES OUT AND MISSES THE LIGHT UP AT 7.30 BURNSIDE, WILL BE TAKEN TO THE LAGUNA AT COLVISTER AND MADE TO ROLL OVER FOR ALL TO SEE.
THE GUTCHER ROAD’S REALLY NOT THE PLACE TO BE,
WHEN THE JARLS MUCKLE BRIDDER IS HEADING FOR A SPREE,
BARRY CLEAN FORGOT, WHILE GOING ON HIS WAY,
DAT ROBERT’S FIRST SQUAD PRACTICE, WIS DAT VERY SAME DAY.
WHAN CLOO’IN UP AT CHRISTMAS SAILIN’ ON DA SOOND,
DA BOYS GUID FAE HOOSE TAE HOOSE, AND PASSED DIR BOTTLES ROOND,
DAN ALL TOOK DIR DREGS, AN THINGS DAT DEY WIRNA LOST,
DAT WIS ALL BUT ONE MAN, WHO RAN DOON CHARLIE’S POST.
MORE CATS THAN EVER, WHILE RUNNING THROUGH THE FIELD,
NEVER EVER REALISE THEIR FATE IS SIGNED AND SEALED,
WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD, THE BRECKON VAN LOOKS FINE,
BUT AT THE MOARFIELD GARAGE, SHE TOOK LIVES 7, 8, & 9.
WAN SETERDAY LAST NOVEMBER, AA BODY TRIED DIR LUCK,
AN’ MED FUR DA LAXA BURN, TA SEE DA FASTEST DUCK,
BUT ON DA WEY HOM, DA BOYS LUCK TOOK A TURN,
WHAN DEY RACED TRACTOR, CAR AN PICK UP, DOON DA GREEN BURN.
FOR MANY A YEAR HE’S LOOKED EFTIR WIS ALL, FAE MINOR CUTS ON WIR
KNEES, HE WIS AYE ON CALL,
HE GOT A HEALTH CENTRE, ALL SHINY AND NEW, BUT HE’S LEFT IT ALL, TO PADDLE HIS CANOE.
HE HAD HIS BOAT TIED UP AT DA PIER, DA WIND BLEW WILD FOR ALL TO HEAR,
WHEN HE RAISED HE WISNA THINKING, DAT HIS PROGRESS, WID BE SINKING,
TO SAVE HER, HE WIS NEEDING AID, SO HE CALLED OOT DA FIRE BRIGADE.
A MAN ONE NIGHT, WHILE GIVING A LIFT, CAME ACROSS SOMEONE DAT HE COULD’NA SHIFT,
SHE STRUGGLED IN VEEN, TO GET TO HER FEET, BUT SHE’D DRUNK DRAMBUIE & AFTER SHOCK NEAT.
DA COONTY TOWT DEY WIR DOIN’ DER BEST, A LEFT HAND DRIVE, GIE DA DRIVERS A TEST,
GIBBIE, TOMMY, DAVID AND JASPER, HAS FUN DEM SOME AWFUL STRANGE PLACES TA PARK HER.
THEY’RE CAMPAIGNED AND FOUGHT FOR MANY A YEAR, AT LONG LAST, THEY’RE GOT A NEW BURRAVOE PIER,
BUT ON A SPRING TIDE, WI DA MOON RIGHT FOO, DER JUST ENOUGH WATER FOR MIKE’S CANOE.
FOR SALE :- BOAT:- MV. “FYLGA” ONE CAREFUL OWNER. TEL. J. MOUAT.
WIR POSTMAN NORT HAS THROWN IN DA TOWEL, NO REALLY FOR AGE, HE’S NO AN OWLD SOWEL,
WHAR DIR’S A LOSS, DIR SOMETIMES A GAIN, COOD EVENING FAE ME, MY WEEK DATS AWA AGEEN.
GEORDIE WIS GEEN A HARD JOB TAE DO, DA FERRIES WIS DEAR, WI TOO MANY CREW,
HE CAM UP WI AN IDEA, OOT OH DA BLUE, FAR CHEAPER WI WAN BOAT, REDDER DAN TWO.
IF YOU GO TAE DA WAST, DOON PAST DA URA-BUG, NOO AT LONG LAST DER OPENED “DA SNUG”,
IT’S NOT WHAT HE CAAD IT EFTER HE BOUGHT HER, FUR HIS OWN REASON, HE’S CAAD IT “DA OTTER”.
POSTIE, POSTIE, RUN RUN RUN, DUNNA LET DA OWLD BOY THREATEN WI HIS GUN, GUN, GUN,
HE GETS IN A STATE, IF DU GOES AN LEAVES HIS GATE,
SO GO POSTIE AND REPORT HIM, AND RUN, RUN, RUN.
A BEER DRINKING FELLOW CALLED BOB, SET OFF HOME FAE DA PUB ON HIS TOD,
A SEARCH PARTY SET OOT, EVERYWHERE THEY DID LOOK, BUT HE HOIDED OFF THEM BEGOD.
AT DA BURRAVOE HALL, ON A SETERDAY NIGHT, AA-BODY FILSKIT, AN NO LIPNIN A FRIGHT
JESAMINE TOWT WILBERT SHOULD GO TAE DA HOOSE, ROBERT CAM, DA WIRLIE MAN LET LOOSE.
DOUG BOWLER’S HED PORK FOR A LONG TIME NOO, AN A PLACE TA BUTCHERS BEEN A BIG ISSUE,
HE BOWT DA UNST MANS SLAUGHTER HOOSE, BUT HE’S HAED SOME HASTLE, TO GET IT IN USE.
WE’VE HAD A YEAR O’ GALES AND FREEZIN’ FLU’S AN COLDS AN BUGS AN SNEEZING,
WE HOPE TONIGHT YOUR FEELING FINE, TO JOIN WIR FESTIVAL IN NINETY NINE,
WE’VE ROBERT WHITEHEAD FOR DA DANCIN’ AND GUIZER JARL BRIAN THOMSON,
SO JOIN DA GUIZERS ONE AN AA, TA MAK DIS WIR BEST UP-HELLY-AA.
A FERRY MASTER, WHILE GOIN TAE HIS WARK, AT WESTSANDWICK, FAN A NEW WAY TAE PARK,
DEY WALKED TROW SNOW, FOR MANY A MILE, DAN ROBERT’S CRANE LORRY TOOK HER TO ULSTA IN STYLE.
DEFACERS OF THE BILL WILL BE MADE IN TO SALMON FEED.
BY ORDER AND UNDER THE SEAL OF THE GUIZER JARL.
BRIAN A. THOMSON
