1996
This year's Guizer Jarl was Brian Nicolson from Greenbank Terrace. Brian took on the role of Svien Asleiferson for the event. Brian O Houll was a very worthy viking, and is rarely seen without a beard on the go. The Houlligan certainly lit up the festival with his humour and sense of fun.
Brian's Jarl Squad:
- Trevor Henderson [Kilmodan] (Ex Jarl)
- Colin Nicholson [Midbrake] (Future Jarl)
- Colin Clark [Greenbank Terrace]
- Hubert Dickie [Gerdalok]
- Bob Severn [Turfhouse]
- Charlie Henderson [Niaroo]
1996 Proclamation:
WIR JARL, A HORNED HOULLIGAN, WILL HAE HIM A HELLY. HE WILL BE OOT ON DA RUN, CAAING HIS VIKINGS IN BY DA FAE HILL. HE WILL HAE A TRIAL FETCHING THEM THROUGH DA GATES, BUT WILL CATCH DEM AS DEY COME BY. HE HAS BEEN SEEN ON TV FAE ABERDEEN, AND NORTH RO(E)MIN’ THE HILLS, WHERE HE’S LOOKING FOR MORE THAN CHEVIOTS ON THE HORIZON.
YOU ARE TRULY WELCOME TO WIR UP HELLY AA,
WE’RE GLAD THIS YEAR O’ GALES AND SNOW IS NO GLUFFED YOU AWA.
WE HOPE DAT YOU WILL LIKE WIR SQUADS, AN’ DAT YOU ENJOY DA CRACK,
AN’ BIDE TA DANCE THE NIGHT AWA, TAE DA MUSIC O DUNCAN BLACK.
WHEN YOU GO ABOUT WI’ YOUR BOTTLE, MIND HOW YOU GO,
ESPECIALLY IF DA STANKS ARE DEEP, AN’ DERE’S MUCKLE FANS O’ SNOW.
IF YOUR NEIGHBOUR IS NO DAT BIG, AN’ YOU ARE RATHER HEFTY,
IT’S AN AWFUL JOB I’ DA DARK, TAE ROW YOU OOT TAE SAFETY.
DEY CLEANED UP DA HALL LAST YEAR, AS BONNIE AS EVER COULD BE,
DAN DEY DRAGGED AN OLD WRECK, JUST TA’ HAE DEM A SPREE,
WHAT STARTED AS A BIT O’ FUN TURNED A PAIN SO SOON,
FUR DEY GUID AFF DA ROAD AND ROLLED DA LAND ROVER DOON DA TOON.
WILL YOU WAIT FOR A WHILE, DEY SAY WE A SMILE, DA BLAWKNOX GOES ON SPREADING TAR,
BUT TO YOUR DISMAY YOU GET COVERED WITH SPRAY, AND NEED PETROL TO CLEAN YOU CAR.
WI’ GOOD INTENT, A COUPLE LEFT THEIR OLD FARM STEADING,
DROVE SOUTH THROUGH THE ISLE WI’ SPIRITS HIGH, TO ATTEND A RUBY WEDDING,
BUT LO AND BEHOLD, THE CAR WENT IN A SKID, AN’ LEFT DA BLUE PAINT ON DA SIDES O’ DA GRID.
NOO MARVIN DA TRUCKER IS AN UNLUCKY SUCKER,
TO CRASH THE BOSSES CAR WAS A BLOW,
BUT O’ WHAT A SITTER TO WRECK DA GRITTER,
WHEN HE HIT DA GRID WI’ DA SNOW.
* * * * “ SERVICES AVAILABLE” * * * *
- CALL ALONG KEITH’S WEIGHT WATCHERS CLUB, LOSE TWO STONES, IT’S A SNIP.
- FOR DETAILS OF TURNING POINTS, ENQUIRE AT KELLISTER OR BEACHHOUSE.
- PHONE IAN OR IAN, FOR A DATE WITH STEPHANIE.
- FOR MEDICAL NEEDS, OR PLAYGROUP REQUIREMENTS, CALL MIKE OR ROBERT, C/O PUBMARINE.
OWER DA GLOUP ROAD JOHNINA AND HER QUAD DID GO,
HER PASSENGER RAYMOND THOUGHT NO-ONE WOULD KNOW,
BUT THE TELL TALE TRACKS WERE LEFT IN THE SNOW!!!
ALISTER WENT TO LERWICK AFTER A FISHING TRIP,
ON HIS WAY BACK TO CULLIVOE HE PARKED THE MADALIA ON THE FETLAR SLIP.
WIR JARL’S NOO A TV STAR, APPEARING ON THE GRAMPIAN STATION,
HE’S CHAMPION O’ DA DOUBLE CLASS, WE OFFER OUR CONGRATULATIONS.
JAMIE TOOK A PEERIE DRAM, AND THEN SAILED OUT TO SEA.
GOOD FISHING LANDINGS HE THOUGHT WOULD BE PART OF THE SPREE,
BUT OWER DA SIDE HE “PLUMPIT”, HE NEARLY WENT UNDER,
ALEXIS WATCHING FROM THE SHORE YELLED “GIT HIM OOT O YUNDER”.
A POPULAR CAR IS THE VAUXHAL, A PLACE TO CUDDLE THE DAMES,
BUT WATCH IF YOU GO ACROSS DA SOUND, YOU DON’T END UP IN FLAMES.
SOME TINK DIS POLLYTUNNELS ALL DA GO, TO KEEP DER VEG CLEAR O’ DA SNOW, BUT A COMPOSER DIDNA TINK DA SAM, WHEN HE FACED UP A MUCKLE RAM.
DA SETTER SHEEP, DEY HAD NAE CREEP, SO HOW WIR DEY GOING TO PEN DEM?
FOR LITTLE EXPENSE DEY RIGGED A FENCE, NEVER TINKIN’ CARS WID CRASH IN DEM.
HOW FIERCE IS YOUR DOG I’DA PASSAGE, HOW FIERCE IS YOUR DOG I’DA PORCH? IS YON EEN DAT GIRNS AN’ WIRRIES, AN’ BITES WIR POOR POSTIE’S HOUGHS?
QUESTION TIME!!! – DID DA COOK COOK DA BOOKS?
DEFACERS OF OUR BILL WILL BE SENT TO LABOUR AT SELLA NESS, THEN MADE
TO MOVE ON TO NORTH ROE, WHERE THEY WILL HAVE TO STAY PUT, DUE TO SNOWDRIFTS, GALES, AND NO FERRIES. (REMEMBER TO TAKE YOUR KEYS)
BY ORDER AND UNDER THE SEAL OF THE GUIZER JARL
