1975

Alex's Jarl Squad:

• Daniel John Anderson [Midfield] (Ex Jarl)
• Laurence Williamson [Allanbrae]
• Tammie Thomson [Sellafirth]
• Drew Williamson [Sellafirth]

1975 Proclamation:

THE GUIZER JARL DECREES THAT ALL GUIZERS, ACCORDING TO COMMITTEE POLICEY, SHALL BE ON STATION AT 7.30PM. TO GO ON BEAT AND SHOW THE FLAG, OR OTHERWISE TO BLOW DA BAG.

GUIZERS WHO SLEEP IN SHALL BE CO-OPTED FROM THE MANAGERIAL SQUAD.

OUR JARLS WELCOME, BOYS PLEASE COME, THIS NOTHERN AREA IS HOME FROM HOME IN CULLIVOE NO BURAUC’RACY, SIGN UP OUR CONSTABULARY
THOSE OF YOU OF GOOD PHYSIQUE, WILL GET £31.28P PER WEEK.

WHIN COM’IN ROOND DA CORNER, WI CREW MEMBERS IDA BOOT
RELIANCE TOOK A HEAVY LURCH, AN ANE O’ DEM FELL OOT
HE GRABB-ED FOR RELIANCE, BUT IN TRIUMPH SHE HAD GONE
AN AA’ IT HE WIS LEFT WI, WIS A BROKEN COLLAR BONE.

OH! WILL WIE BE BROWNED OFF AND POWERLESS WITH THE WATER LINE CUT OR WILL WE JUST GO ON TO THE KLIPTER BRIG’ AND BE HANGED.

WANTED :- PAINTERS, PREPARED TO WORK ANYWHERE IN THE ULSTA – WEST-YELL AREA, EXPECTED TO MAINTAIN EXCISTING DECORATIONS ON PUBLIC HIGHWAY, HENHOUSES AND LAVATORY DOORS, ALSO TENDERS ACCEPTED FOR PAINTING LATEST SLOGAN :- MARGARET THATSHER
APPLY :- ULSTA – WEST-YELL SLAP – DASH CO. BEFORE NEXT ELECTION.

WILL MRS JARL BE PREPARED FOR MOAR BROADSIDES?

OUT SPED THE SECTION FOREMAN, AT THE DAWN OF CHRISTMAS DAY,
HE WAS MAKING HEAVY WEATHER, DID FESTIVE SPIRIT STILL HAVE SWAY,
DA YELL ROADS COULD’NA TAK HIM, HE DITCHED IN DA LEA-O’-CAMB,
WITH GREAT GESTICULATION “I’M NEVER HAED A B….Y DRAM”.

ANY ISLANDER PREPARED TO SUPPLY FOREIGNERS WITH TWARTREE TATTIES
WILL BE PIPED ASHORE AT BASTA-VOE.

CURRENT REPORT APRIL 6TH 1974 :-
HUGE NORTH’BOUND ARMY CONVOY HALTED AT BASTAVOE BEND, ZETLAND C. COMPANY’S BOOBY TRAPS SUCCESSFUL, ARMY BOGGED DOWN, GUIZER JARL CONTROLS OPERATIONS.
APRIL 7TH :-
ARMY RECONNAISSANCE DISCOVERS BETTER ROUTE, KNOWN AS HILL ROAD,
RESCUE CONTINGENT BYE PASSES CULLIVOE AND RELEIVES DIFFICULT SITUATION.
LATEST BULLETIN JANUARY 1975:-
ZETLAND C. COMPANY STILL DOING CLEARING UP OPERATIONS IN AREA.

DON’T HURRY OFF TO BED AT NIGHT, THE ROAD IS DARK AND WIDE,
MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A PARKING LIGHT, KEEP OVER ON THE SUNNYSIDE.

ANY YOUNG MAN OR ABERDEEN FISHER LADDIE ON A VENTURE TO THE HOGSHEAD AREA SHOULD LEARN ABOUT THE TURBULENT WATERS WEST OF STONGANESS, WHERE THEY ARE LATER LIKELY TO BE TURNED TURTLE.

EXPRESS ARTICLE:- ANY ONE LISTENING TO THIS CLUMP,-KENS IT’S DOUBLE DUTCH

HEARD ON TELLENEWS LOUDSPEAKER:-
BACK A BIT, BACK A BIT, A PIERRIE BIT BACKWARD,
GIBBIE SAID HE COULD’NA SEE, IT’S DAT B….Y ACKWARD.

IS IT A CHANCE TO HIT THE BURGA SKERRIES?

ONWARD CAROL SINGERS, NORTHWARDS YOU MUST GO,
EACH ONE SINGING CAROLS, BOUND FOR CULLIVOE,
WHEN ON ICE THEY FALTERED, THE NOTE WAS THEN TO LOW,
ONE BY ONE THEY STRUCK THE CHORD, HEAD BACK FOR BURRAVOE.

IF YOU’RE DRIVING HOME THROUGH GUTCHER, AND YOU HAVE A HEAVY LOAD, DON’T ADJUST YOUR CARGO, OR YOU MIGHT GO OFF THE ROAD.

TO DEFACERS OF OUR BILL, OUR POLICEY IS TO FORCEABLY EJECT THEM AND
ESCORT THEM TO LERWICK AT 6AM.

BY ORDER AND UNDER THE SEAL OF THE GUIZER JARL

ALEX G. W. ROBERTSON

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